I know that I’m not a conventional beauty. No one is ever going to beg me for a photo shoot or probably even for a date. My teeth are too crowded and I love coffee too much for them to stay pearly white. My tummy refuses to be flat, because  I like potato chips more than I’m willing to commit to ab workouts. I have no chest, and my voice sounds like the hound on The Fox and the Hound or a congested kid. And don’t get me started on hair products and makeup, because they just completely confound me.

Even if I had “the looks,” I’m just kind of an awkward human being.

I also keep somehow living in these places that are known for beautiful people, like Ukraine and Los Angeles. It can be a real self-esteem crusher.

I have cute toes. That has to count for something, right?

Toes in the Sand

Hold On A Sec..

You may think this is too harsh, or maybe you’re like, “I can’t believe she just said that.”  But those are some of the nasty little thoughts that confront me on a pretty consistent basis, like most every time I look in the mirror.

They are annoying and thought consuming and, frankly, I’m sick and tired of them.

While there are a million things going on in the world that are horrible and in need of attention, I also know that I’m not the only one that struggles with the mirror on the wall.

Some days I can brush it off, say “Shut up!” and go about the day. Other days it’s crushing, and the heavy cloud it brings darkens the atmosphere around me.

I can give you the good Christian girl answer…

“For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7 NKJV

I mean that’s pretty clear cut even for the New King James Version.

Or this one…

“What matters is not your outer appearance — the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes — but your inner disposition..” – 1 Peter 3:3 MSG

Again, pretty straightforward, which I appreciate; the inner is more important than the outer.

I get it, and I’m sure you’ve heard it, too.

We can all think of people that are drop dead gorgeous in appearance and are really not beautiful at all because of the atrocious way they treat others. And I’m sure we’ve all met more than one person that the world wouldn’t give a second glance at in the outward beauty category, but they radiate nonetheless.

It clearly isn’t all about physical  attributes.

So why is this such a struggle for so many of us?

Because comparison is such a nagging, little demon that just needs to be splatted against the nearest wall.

When I find myself struggling with my lack of conventional beauty, I’m not looking at what God says. I’m looking at the cultural norms I see around me. Which, when I think about how messed up the world is, it honestly seems pretty ridiculous to even want to be what culture says I should be. Culture and the world isn’t all bad, but clearly there are some bad priorities happening.

But what I know is true and what I think and feel just don’t always sync up.

Until it does sync up I have to keep choosing to believe and trusting what God says and asking for a perspective change. Some  days it’s an easy decision, and other times it’s a whole lot harder.

All I know today is that part of me would still like to be a conventional beauty, but when have I ever done anything the conventional way. Good thing I have such a winning personality…