My registration in Ukraine is in the process of being… well… processed. I’m living with my pastors until summer. And I’m learning a whole new job, during a really busy season at the church. I have pages and pages of notes and I’m still working on a system of keeping it all organized and making sense in my mind. But I LOVE it!

It is completely different from my previous life as an administrator. Some of that is great and some if it is not so great. But a couple of weeks ago I had my moment of “Yes, this is right. I totally belong here.” And it was a sigh of relief…

Then this past week life came to a full stop again. After noticing some abnormalities I talked to a doctor friend and found that I had cystitis (fancy name for bladder inflammation/urinary tract infection). She immediately put me on some antibiotics. Three days later, however, I developed a fever and it was clear what I was taking just wasn’t helping and the onset of my fever made my doctor fear it was moving into my kidneys. So I started another antibiotic (and some probiotics to help replace the good stuff the antibiotics kill off).

There were a lot of tears this past week. She ordered me to do nothing, even though my “to do” list is a few miles long and I simply wasn’t sleeping well. Not to mention I haven’t had coffee in over a week!!!!

Which is probably why I fell on the stairs and tried to break my toe tonight…

I’m happy to report that I’m on the mend (except for my poor banged up toe) and slowly getting back into action.

To give an update, if you do not already know, I landed safely in Kyiv yesterday just ahead of a nasty snowstorm. I actually cried a little to see the snow and ice and absolutely refused to go outside today, but tomorrow I will most likely have to bundle up, put my head down and forge a path into the world of Kyiv.

I was very blessed traveling back and with relatively few snags along the way. From Raleigh to London, the plane was only about half full and I snagged a row of three seats and thankfully was able to stretch out and get a few hours rest.

In London, I met up with a friend from California that I worked with while in South Africa in 2009. Her flight came in about 30 minutes after mine and we met up at the airport. She helped me lug my baggage to my hostel and then we explored the city. Someone generously blessed me with some “fun money” for London, so I packed in the “fun” which I’m sure has also helped with some of the jet lag. I was able to see some of the Natural History and V & A Museums. Tuesday night I saw a musical I have been wanting to see for ages – Wicked! Wednesday I was able to see the musical Singin’ in the Rain, probably the highlight of my time and also very appropriate to see in London, and I was so close that I actually got wet!! Finished out the day and my time in the city with the Birmingham Royal Ballet’s premiere of Aladdin. A VERY full two days.

We arrived a bit late to Kyiv yesterday evening, but had no problems coming in and actually the border patrol welcomed me back to Ukraine, which I didn’t even get when I came to America.

For now, I can hear the wind whipping outside at about 25-30 mph. The lights occasionally flicker and I am praying they do not decide to take a rest from fighting the elements and go out completely. It has been snowing all day and I’m not sure how much is piled up outside but they are calling for 4-6 inches tonight and 5-8 more tomorrow with a high of 15 F and a felt temperature in the negatives!!

Funny thing is that Spring Break began today in Ukraine…

I don’t have any photos yet, since I wasn’t willing to go out, but if you go to my FlutterbyPridge Facebook page then you can see a video posted by one of the guys at my church and see a little bit of what Kyiv looks like this evening.

It is barely noticeable against the speckled 90s wallpaper but it is there. I suppose it was a means of staking my territory since an only child has so much competition.

There’s still a Mickey and Minnie ceiling fan circulating the air, and Sweet Eyes, my 31 year old teddy bear, gazes from a shelf, still within reach if I happen to need a little extra comforting.

This room that was once filled with childhood clutter of Nintendo games, books and art supplies is now brimming with an odd assortment of memories. There’s a straw hat that I wore during Carnival in Les Cayes, Haiti. There’s the signed photo from the cast and crew of Emmanuel College’s production of Jane Eyre, my first stab at stage managing. A cedar  box holds bottle caps from every country visited, and currency too. One of Grandpa’s guitars sits in the corner desperately in need of new strings and the harmonica he gave to me that I have never figured out how to play also waits nearby.

And I think, “No, Stephanie doesn’t live here anymore”.

In the last few weeks since my last post I have lived in… ummm… seven different homes for varying lengths of time. These days it seems Stephanie lives whatever direction the wind blows. It is exciting. It is exhausting. It is always an adventure and it is a reminder that in many ways the places that used to fit simply do not anymore.

Selfishly I want to stay in these places for more than just a few days, even though I know that for now I am not meant to. Part of me wants to hang out in America for an extended time, get comfortable, settle back in with my friends and community here, find a little normalcy, and have a paycheck again. But I know that isn’t for this season.

In less than two weeks, I will be traveling back to Ukraine. I have no idea what wall may be the next to proclaim, “Stephanie lives here” or in what part of the city it may be located. I am not sure who I will be living with. I do not know how all the finances will be covered. And I have no clue what to expect from 2013.

One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live. One word that you can focus on every day, all year long.

I actually considered this before the beginning of the year, but preferring to avoid another thing that would probably come back and slap me in the face with failure after committing and then forgetting, I ignored it.

Before 2013 rolled into town and ever since it has, there has been one word that has continually come up for me and I have decided to put it in writing. If we’re already into February and I cannot shake it then it’s likely I am not going to forget it anytime soon. (Plus I haven’t blogged in so long I almost forgot my password so I obviously need to be writing SOMETHING!)

Photo by balanced.crafts @Flickr

My word for 2013 is JOY. 

According to the Holmon Bible Dictionary, “Joy is found over 150 times in the Bible. If such words as “joyous” and “joyful” are included, the number comes to over 200. The verb rejoice appears well over 200 times.”

Apparently it isn’t just a big deal in my world, but for all of us who are sons and daughters.

Last year I remember thinking, “What is this, the year of facing fears?” It seemed a good chunk of my biggest fears had to be faced at some point in those twelve months, so “joy” seems like a wonderful word after that ordeal.

However, I think a big part of joy is being able to choose to rejoice in the midst of horrible circumstances.

Maybe that is why it is so impressed on my heart this year. I didn’t have a very joyful 2012. Instead I felt like I got kicked around, thrown to the ground and had my lights punched out a few times.

So it’s not that expect 2013 will be all full of roses with no thorns, but an opportunity to stand in the knowledge of God’s love and rejoice. That actually scares me just a little.

“Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” Psalm 51:12

Christmas tree at Vokzalna (train station) in Kyiv

Walking around the city of Kyiv the notes of Christmas songs still ring out and all the decorations will remain in place for a week or two more. It is strange to me and makes me wonder what month it is.

Currently we are having a heatwave and I welcome the 32 F weather like a long lost friend. The sun seems to be mourning the passing holiday season because she hasn’t shown her beautiful face for several days. With the absence of sunlight and a massive melt from the warmth, much of the city has become a nasty, slushy, muddy mess and everything seems to have turned dark and depressing.The presents are unwrapped and possibly already tossed to the side in search of something new to distract us from our quietly desperate lives. Schools are back in session. University students are having exams. Vacations have ended and the new year has lost a bit of its enchantment as we settle back into the daily grind.

The gray days and Christmas music aren’t the only happenings that have thrown me off a bit. Major transitions have a way of leaving you with the feeling that someone flipped you on your head and spun you around like a top. Day is night. Up is down. Right is left. You know the feeling.

Since 2013 rolled into town, I have moved out of my apartment of fire hazards and frightening elevators. My belongings are being stored and will await my return to Ukraine at the end of March. I am living out of backpacks and suitcases, cannot find a single item when I need it, and I am REALLY looking forward to coming home to America this week.

Location isn’t the only transition for me at the moment; I am also in the middle of changing “jobs”.

For the last two years I have served as a full-time volunteer with CCX-Ukraine’s English Ministry team. It has been an amazing season filled with incredible university students and more fun than should be allowed for something you call work. While I love our students, the last six months especially have shown me just how exhausted and joyless I have become. My role with CCX has been primarily one of needing to be an extreme extrovert – meeting with people constantly, planning and leading large groups, and trying to answer grammar questions (Southern girl don’t know English grammar. Let’s just be real). And so today I end my official time with CCX, though I hope to still drop in and occasionally speak at clubs.

This transition has been on the horizon for a while and at the end of summer I had several conversations that I felt it time to step away from my role with CCX. The problem was that I had no idea what I was stepping into or where I would be going. Would I stay in Ukraine or head home to America or would there be something completely different? So pardon my silence as I have muddled through this process of finding direction.

A couple of weeks ago after much prayerful consideration, more than one emotional breakdown, and more than one conversation containing the phrase “really God?!”, I have taken on the role of Office Administrator for International Christian Assembly in Kiev (www.icakiev.com). Many of you know that I was an administrator before leaving for the missions field in 2009. While I have changed in many many ways the past four years, I still love organizing and being behind the scenes. I will get to use that media communications degree that it seems I will be paying back for the next couple of decades and I also still have the relationship and discipleship aspect of ministry. While I am aware of several challenges ahead, I am truly excited to return to something I feel gifted at while still being able to live in Ukraine and further the relationships that have been established over the last few years.

To everyone who has supported me prayerfully, financially, and with encouragement the past four years, I am so thankful and amazed again and again. I hope that you will continue on this journey with me and I look forward to seeing many of you during the next two months. Please pray for me as I leave Ukraine tomorrow and travel back home to America.