I keep journals so that I can occasionally pull one out, wipe off the dust and read the highs, lows, praises, questions, and random moments of this life I have been given. Usually my only regret is that I don’t write more.
Earlier I sat down with one of my World Race journals and these are the words I penned a year ago:
I sense the Lord saying to me, “Give Me your life. Rise up woman of God and walk in the authority I have already given you. Stop sitting down! Get up! You are here to bring Kingdom, to bring LIFE. Stop listening to the lies and send satan packing back to the pit of hell where he belongs! Live out the truth you already know. You don’t need all the answers, you don’t even need any. You need to stand up and walk in the knowledge and revelation you have. Stop living for everyone else and live for Me.”
My response to this encouraging rebuke? Christ lives in me. I am a temple for the Holy Spirit. I am God’s representation on earth – an ambassador – and I will NOT be silent any longer! I have worth. I have value.Â No longer will I look away when people speak truth over me but I will stare them in the eye and receive truth when it is spoken.
This came after my dear friend, Michelle McBeath, looked at me a few days before and said, “God has placed so much in you. Others see it and you hear it all the time, but you are going to stay in the wilderness until you choose to leave.” Ouch! I still remember the sting of those words.
What is so awesome to me now, gazing back upon a year ago, is that I can see a change. Sometimes I look through my journals and I see the same struggles popping up over and over, but when I see change, progress, then I also find hope.
At this point I was seeking God for some major changes in my life. Sure I was on the Race, living the dream, but I was stuck in a rut that had been dug to the depth of a grave and I needed God to break in. People would speak the truth of God’s love for ME and I could only look at the ground or look away. I was supposed to be sharing His love with the world and couldn’t even receive it myself and that made me feel even more ashamed.
Oh but NOW…. look me in the eyes and tell me about God’s love and I am NOT looking away. I may even jump up and down and shout a little because I KNOW it is TRUTH. I still struggle, have my pity parties and, boy, do I get it wrong sometimes, but God is teaching me my identity in Him and it is sooooo good!
Michelle… thanks for that kick in the butt. I love you friend.