It’s All Good Til He Starts Answering Your Heart’s Cry
I’m YoursÂ to take and breakÂ just make meÂ sensitive to You
I’ve come to far to turn around now,Â there’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To hear your words of life, Lord,Â to be as close to You
As any man has ever dared to come,Â
I’ve heard Misty Edwards sing these words over and over the past few months while listening to theÂ IHOP-KC web stream. From the first moment I heard them something in me cried, “YES!!”
Sounds great doesn’t it?
Then God takes me up on the request.
I think with a smile He looks down and says, “Oh baby girl I love you so much and I’m so glad you want to be close to Me.”
Then He breaks me.
He allows situations that give opportunities to trust Him, to lean into Him, and to draw closer to Him.
And it hurts.
It doesn’t feel very good.
And it is extremely uncomfortable.
And for a moment I think, “Hmm maybe I should watch what I sing!”
But the reality isÂ this is what my heart is longing for, what your heart is yearning for, why we were created – to be close to Him.
If I’m honest I want to run from the pain and the loneliness though. I don’t enjoy brokenness. I want to be somewhere comfortable and surrounded by those who understand. I want to have a close friend here to be Jesus with skin on and, for goodness sake, I want to just be able to order a meal and get what I want!!
In the midst of my own “issues” I am also looking around at a lot of students in need. I’ve had conversations about the really tough, crappy things in life and the really big, hard to answer questions of faith. We have walked the streets of Kyiv over discussing possibilities and the obstacles, dreams and fears, victories and failures. My heart hurts with them.
Then I look around at a nation about to celebrate their 20th anniversary next week. I see a land rich in beauty, but scarred by years of war and injustice. I’ve grown accustomed to the beggars and the babushkas. I now blend in with the city’s inhabitants, their blank stares and cold shouldered shoves into public transportation. But when I get past my hardened outer shell and pray for this nation I am brought to tears and I sing the same words over them that resonate so much for my own heart, “make them sensitive to You.”
So, I’m feeling pretty broken at the moment. I’m painfully aware of my weaknesses, but encouraged byÂ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:
9Â But he said to me,Â â€œMy grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.â€Â Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christâ€™s power may rest on me.Â 10Â That is why, for Christâ€™s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.Â
If that’s true then Superman watch out because I have some serious strength right now!
When was the last time you walked through the brokenness with Him and pressed into the pain to see the beauty on the other side?
Maybe you’re there now, if so how can I be praying for you?
Maybe you’ve come through not too long ago, do you have any wisdom for the rest of us?